yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
