She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
