Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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