the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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