i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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