TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
