areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
