Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
