you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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