What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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