Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
