This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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