so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
