It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
