Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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