the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
