so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
pray to the hookup gods
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i out mim tonsoeep
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