good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
