i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
