is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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