you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
