Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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