you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
