i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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