Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
