I looked at my own cervix.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
pray to the hookup gods
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
