I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
