so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
