I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
