i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
