I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
