Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
