So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
