i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
