Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
