Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
