I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
