Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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