so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
