Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
