Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
