i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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