seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
