i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
