Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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