Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
