oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Someone shattered a urinal.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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