I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woke up backwards on a recliner
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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