I got chris browned last night
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
