Well apparently he's into motor boating.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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